Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Locked out.........they won't let me in!

         If you read my previous post, you would know that this girl Brittany and I had a semester long fling. We hooked up pretty much every weekend and didn't give a fuck what her roommates thought. It was great at the time, but unfortunately brought me into a world of embarrassment and tiredness one night.....

After a month or two of straight hooking up, her three roommates got the notion that we wanted them to get the fuck out of the room while we were together. Normally, one or two would stick around inadvertantly listening to our lips smacking and the squishing of poon juice. Luckily for us, we got the whole room to ourselves one night.

As usual, we hooked up until the wee hours of the night. We then went to sleep, sharing a twin-sized bed. A few hours of terribly uncomfortable sleep later, I realized I'm about to piss my pants. At this point I only had shorts on. No shoes, no shirt, no ID Card, no phone, nothing else. In my still half-drunken stupor, I leave the room to go to the bathroom. As soon as the door closed behind me, I hear a "click" that means it locked. At the time I wasn't worried. I figured I could just wake her up and get back in to sleep on another bed.

After I piss for what seems like 20 straight minutes, I go back up to the door and sure enough, it's locked. I quietly knock on the door, but I can hear Brittany snoring in the background (Yes, she snored like a fucking bear. It scared me a few times). My drunk mind thought if I waited 5 minutes, she would be more likely to wake up. I wait a little longer and knock on the door again. This time I yell out a loud "Brittany! Wake up and let me in!". It's around 6am on a sunday and everyone is hungover and sleeping. After the yell, someone opens their door and screams "Shut the fuck up asshole!".

After sitting in the hall for around 20 minutes, I figure I'll just wait an hour or two and then wait until someone is up in the hall ( I had a good amount of friends in the same hall as her). I go downstairs to the main lounge and as soon as I walk through the security door, I hear it click behind me. I was now locked on the first floor without anything. No shirt, no shoes, no phone and no ID card.

At this point I started to panic a little. What the fuck was I going to do? I thought about going to my dorm (which was in a different building), but I would have to wait outside shirtless until someone opened the door, which was VERY unlikely at 6:30 am. After a few minutes on contemplating, I find myself lying on one of the sofas in the lounge watching "Back to the Future II". I'm completely hungover, exhausted, and pissed at the fact that Brittany wouldn't wake the fuck up.

After around an hour, this girl stumbles to the security door. She glances at me and our eyes lock. She's dressed in "fancy" clothes and is carrying heels, classic walk of shame material. She walks towards me and says "Long night eh? Do you need to be let in?". I wanted to fucking marry this bitch for letting me back up. She opened the security door and I got back infront of Brittany's room.

At this point, the adreneline is flowing like a river. I can hear her snoring, but I'm making sure this time she hears this. I am pounding the door with my fist as hard as I can and yelling "BRITTANY, YOU BETTER GET YOUR FUCKING ASS OVER HERE AND OPEN THE DOOR!". This all culminates with my kicking the door, causing a god awfully loud noise. At this point, there are four of five people standing in the hall watching this. At one point, the RA came out of her room to see what was going on. She looked down the hall and I look at her with the most evil eyes I could make. She slowly walked back into her room and told everyone else to do the same.

Amazingly, Brittany is still fucking sleeping. I was in shock. I had woken up people at the over end of the hall, but not this bitch 20 ft away. That was it, game over. She had won, there was nothing more I could do.

I cumpled into a ball in the hall and attempted to fall asleep. I had been awake for around 2 hours now. I was drunk, tired, hungover, and felt like shit. In my attempt to sleep, I got awoken by another girl in the hall I knew. She shakes me and asks whats going on and I tell her the story. I then remember one thing Brittany had always told me.

"I always wake up to my cell-phone, I can't explain it!"

I ask the girl if she has Brittanys number, and she miraculously does. I call Brittany and wait. Riiiiing.......Riiiiiing.........Riiiiiing. It must have rung 12 times until it went to voice mail. That didn't defer me though, I was going to keep calling this bitch until she woke up. I called again and it went directly to voicemail, leading me to think she turned off her phone.

There was NO fucking way she was going to get away with that, so I sprint back to Brittany's room and keep kicking the door yelling "BRITTANY YOU BETTER FUCKING OPEN THIS DOOR RIGHT NOW BEFORE I KICK YOUR FUCKING ASS!" Everyone in the hall is awake at this point due to me screaming as loud as I can.

I can hear her get up and slowly walk to the door and open it. She groggily looks at me and I'll never forget what she said,

"Wow Mike, you're such an asshole".

That set me off and I went off on her for a good 5 minutes explaining what I had just went through. I was raging really hard but she thought it was hilarious. She was crying laughing. I eventually told her to "fuck off" and went to bed in her roommates bed.

She came over, still laughing and said, "Thats what you get for hooking up with me".